Everyone has their patterns they want to break; feelings of guilt, revenge, anger, unworthiness, shame. To unlearn the patterns which feed ego, and take action from the heart maybe hard to do.

That’s okay as well, it hasn’t been practiced enough. There isn’t a perfect way to do things, (and those who claim there are, are only feeding their own ego) It’s called a practice for a reason. It’s okay do it wrong, to make mistakes. Know that I thank you for trying and doing. You’re doing great, keep going. I’m sorry for the hard journey ahead.

Unconditional self-forgiveness is a practice of using your heart to change those patterns you want to break. I forgive you for your actions, they come from a place of unloving conditions. Unconditional self-love, holds up all the good and bad of the self, and gives it what it needs. When you do things from the heart, it puts you on the right path. No matter what happens, or has happened, I love you.

It becomes easier the more you do it. Start with yourself to make it better, for everyone.

-An apology/love/forgiveness/thanking letter to myself


Midnight walking the dog last night, listening to electroswing/lounge groove. The music lets my creative chorus in my head calm down, the walking gets some underlying nervous energy tempered. With flashlight and empty dog poop bag in hand, saw some movement ahead, may have been neighbourhood cat. But, cat does not lope slowly.

A big brown eye turned with ears straight up, jackrabbit paused on the boulevard, chubby, and showing a greying chest, getting more white hair. I could identify.

Barry (aka Chauncy Cruddington the Baron of Puppington) was oblivious, checking his pee-mail on the trees.

Not trying to bodyshame said hare, but that was a pure white tail. A fashion statement that screamed that the fall season will be brutally short. Already getting rid of autumn colours for protection against the big deep cold.

I already miss summer because I have not taken enough time to just sit on the riverside or beach and ground myself in sunshine.

With ears down, huddled on the boulevard, I thought I heard jackrabbit snore.

We kept walking, getting things done.


Rain on the still pond. The ripples bump into each other, cascade and cacaphonate. Patterns emerge, simultaneous droplets rise up from the impact. Everything has a place.


A giant splash from above, pouring from one source. Something above was holding it back, and then spewed it forth, dirty with dead bark and moss.

Am I the rain droplet? or the downpour? the pond?

I should embrace being water, as the great Bruce Lee stated, Water becomes the shape of what is holding it. The sky and droplets, a stagnant brackish pool held in a mouldy bird nest holding bones and dreams of flight, the waves of the pond.

Or should I embrace becoming the ripple. Movement into something new.

Humbly, I find myself asking myself this. What must I remove from my own actions, to be more genuine, more present, more honest with myself. These questions and roadblocks on my own journey came up during my 30 day yoga challenge. I couldn’t get deeper into the positions, until I had some serious conversations with myself. The irony of this self evaluation is that it is examination of the ego, which can become addictive. There is a good reason why there are so many self-help books out there.

First, making mistakes. I accept these as part of my self improvement. There is no perfect method. This is why yoga embraces the phrasing, yoga practice. Being humble enough to recognize that there is no perfection, and our imperfections are what makes things great. Neil Gaiman stated in a graduate commencement speech, “make beautiful mistakes”. If hesitation is a sin, then regret is a painful pennance which cannot be avoided.

Second, are my actions helpful only to myself? Or to just others? There are certain parts of self-care, which directly impact the way how I am, how I interact, flow, bounce and ripple with everything around me. If I go into this self-care with the attitude of how I cannot help others first, until I help myself, I can help my own self help process become better. Have I checked in first, and asked will this help? This should be the only hesitation, but over time, I will not have to check, as I will instinctively know, which will be better. One can hope, one can learn.

No one will want to remember the feeling that the exclusive diva will leave behind. Selfish self interest does not help the immediate environment and does not create a positive space. Any actions from the egocentric only introduce gaps, and any reactions from team-centric must work doubly hard to help bring up the rest of the team. Celebrating a Me Monster never lasts in the long term. They won’t get the flow of other people in the long run, and are constantly looking for new people in their lives. They burn short and quick, because no one wants to deal with them. We set them aside into a place where they can’t hurt or negatively bring us down. For our own safety. They isolate themselves, and already have done so long ago, they have not been shown a different way of making actions. And it will take a lot of humility, and self-aware self-help actions to even begin to start removing those same patterns from their lives.

Our best present we can give someone is the feeling that we leave with each other. Our audience, fellow performers, with our customers, our readers, our family and friends everyday. Positive energy only increases as it is focused on.

And we will be known by that feeling.

That is not just our reputation. It is a living legacy these ripples that we leave in our wake.

I’m still here,

Pearce Kilgour

The Evils of Convenience

It starts out small.

Taking the easy way.

Doing what is least resistant as opposed to what could be a greater accomplishment.

We put in less energy and become complacent. We would rather spend more money on immediate gratification than making our own. And that includes purchasing food instead of growing our own. We pick a flavour of entertainment, which everyone else is choosing, instead of creating our own stories or music. We find a cheaper way of getting work hours completed instead of having a system that can sustain itself.

It’s convenience. And it will not help you in the long run. It’s the fast food of attitudes.

When convenience saturates everything everyday, from our thoughts and habits to all of our actions; we conveniently stop making room in ourselves for greater things. Because it is the easy way out.

And convenience has momentum. To stop doing what is easy, requires work.

Or does it?

Could it involve work? Or can change include play?

Work implies hard actions, grueling tasks, overbearing weight and strain with the risk of failure. Play allows you to try something, have fun, and be safe – no matter the consequence.

It is just the matter of changing what intent you use to fuel your thoughts and actions. Going into a routine with an attitude of despair, regret, fear will only bring you more of those things. Only if you bring an attitude of freedom and happiness will you see that in your future.

That little jog in thinking? Enjoy it. Get excited, play with the possibilities. Start thinking, start adding delight to your presence and you will be more grateful in the present.

You can change your self and your actions, but most important, your reactions. Start small, have fun, enjoy your mistakes. Success isn’t a destination, it’s a vehicle that you can drive with your work and play. It just all depends on what you choose to put into it.


I’m still here,