A dream visited me last night

A dream visited me last night
The houses of my imagination were flying in the tornados of logic committees.
The warm air was filled with grandma’s cardigan sleeve tissues and crumpled wrappers of juicy fruit the taste is going to move you at the speed of light, hand signed Einstein historical chalkboards
Covered in formulae of regrets, and a side note to research the forgotten art of cleaning chalkboard erasers that were potentially filled with thousands of hours of mistakes.

The flamingos momentarily saved me from the anvils of guilt
Because dream logic

A dream came and left me last night
empty coffee mugs, leaky pens, half finished journals next to empty ramen bowls.
The pixies had learned my computer passwords, and ordered self help books on overcoming procrastination, but got the delivery address wrong
I didn’t have enough time to cancel the order, the package was on a priority vector.
I called it a chewing rubber gum match, and the laws of physics were blue pencil edited
Nothing could break, so my heart was weightless and hovering over a fibbonaci spiral gravity well being
the matter was only in time, the space was nothing more than stillness and waiting without moments.

A dream left a to do list for me
I thought that was rather rude, seeing how I had the grill heated up, avacados charred parallel to the juicy steaks, and I even bought the Dreams favorite beer.
I won’t drink that brand
It always left a longing taste for something else on my spirited pallette.
I’m sure that we did talk about this one day off from anxiety and depression for months now, our usual meeting place
at the corner of daydream and wishful thinking.
The Dream put feet up on coffee table, and picked up the latest draft of the nine worlds that live in my imagination, and said, How does it End?

I replied back, Just like the Theater, it’s a mystery, we just have to wait to find out. Besides, Epiphanies are Personal Apocalypsyes
Rude to long term plans, inconsiderate
Both have momentum and tend to cop out with their own justifications.
I can’t just do it like the time travelling Mystery authors back(work)wards from How it was done. It’s really hard to write consensual polyamourous romantic comedies, without writing tragic hetero-mono-chromatic comic cookie cutter characters that don’t communicate.
Which brings us to the source of comedy, is other peoples conflict.
Terror Schadenfraude is so last season and political, it is overdone.
Somewhere, there is a grease fire of procrastination burning, and the guilt is grilling me.
There is no amount of aloe vera cadabra or hello it’s me again to stop writing ideas
Untold stories turning into black charred leaves scattering to the Four winds.
The Dream left me, with a dirty grill and broken empties to clean up.

A Dream sexted me last night, poorly.
Hot breath, and hands that caressed firm and then softly across arched backs and hips, a symphony of pleasure was playing out in the Australian Opera House, because dream logic. Spray painted in glitter gold letters three stories high
signed the Dreaming and the Great Outback.
(Not the steakhouse, or a 50’s rock band, because there was more important things held onto a stake tied down to the outbackyard.)
There was a pre-recorded message from a Rainbow Serpent
with directions to You Are Here, This is Now.
But there was no map quest place to go back
To get close to that moment where everyone was singing in the key of O.
I couldn’t sing
Like I said, a dream sexted me last night. Poorly.

I visited a book today, labelled Dream
By my own hand,  the weirding index had chapters
Travel, Write, Laugh, Perform, Lift People Up, Tell Stories.
But today and most days
That book was too heavy to hold, because there are too many other books on top of it
Books labelled Anxiety, Procrastination, Guilt, Unreal Expectation, Perfectionism, Creative Distraction
And a battered, earmarked chapbook titled, ‘It’s really amazing how much wisdom resembles just being too damn tired’.
So I left my personal baggage library, sat outside in the sun, legs crossed, hands on knees, chin up. And tried to still the storms in my mind, ease the spiritual bruises and ache in my heart, step aside from the Dream, and let the tightness out

One breath at a time
And try to get some better sleep

Reflections from the road

What your
is what the universe will bring into a state inside of you.

Happiness is a state of mind only which you are responsible for.


You are responsible for the universe

Scary, right?
But it should be, and because anything that scary, you should focus your attention to it. And do it.

Resistance is selfish
Resistance is not ignorance of the obvious, it’s blind rejection.

Is there a problem with the universe? Or what is inside of you?

But where does it stop? The universe and you?

Before words, there was no difference.

So why let a label get in the way of being more?

So be gentle with yourself, just be. Be gentle enough to let that be brought back to you.

Need more proof?

The one end result of EVERYTHING
that everyone will remember
that everyone will base their own thoughts and opinions of
that one end result is nothing more than
the feeling and state that you leave them in

So please, leave everything better than when you found it.

The Evils of Convenience

It starts out small.

Taking the easy way.

Doing what is least resistant as opposed to what could be a greater accomplishment.

We put in less energy and become complacent. We would rather spend more money on immediate gratification than making our own. And that includes purchasing food instead of growing our own. We pick a flavour of entertainment, which everyone else is choosing, instead of creating our own stories or music. We find a cheaper way of getting work hours completed instead of having a system that can sustain itself.

It’s convenience. And it will not help you in the long run. It’s the fast food of attitudes.

When convenience saturates everything everyday, from our thoughts and habits to all of our actions; we conveniently stop making room in ourselves for greater things. Because it is the easy way out.

And convenience has momentum. To stop doing what is easy, requires work.

Or does it?

Could it involve work? Or can change include play?

Work implies hard actions, grueling tasks, overbearing weight and strain with the risk of failure. Play allows you to try something, have fun, and be safe – no matter the consequence.

It is just the matter of changing what intent you use to fuel your thoughts and actions. Going into a routine with an attitude of despair, regret, fear will only bring you more of those things. Only if you bring an attitude of freedom and happiness will you see that in your future.

That little jog in thinking? Enjoy it. Get excited, play with the possibilities. Start thinking, start adding delight to your presence and you will be more grateful in the present.

You can change your self and your actions, but most important, your reactions. Start small, have fun, enjoy your mistakes. Success isn’t a destination, it’s a vehicle that you can drive with your work and play. It just all depends on what you choose to put into it.


I’m still here,

Day 22 to Day 29 – On the Horizon (The Missing Yoga Post)

And now, the end is within sight. The way station is just ahead, a place of rest and reflection. People you have met along the way have shared tales of their own travels. You’ve had your own  journey, not stepping in their footsteps, but converging towards that one common gathering place. Every step, every stretch, every drop of sweat has been a success.

Working through the poses, finding the places that are tight; the tension identified. Working through the mental blocks and finding the vocabulary to say those words ‘I Can’ and ‘I am’.  Unexpected emotions and stress repressed then let go. The shift which allows the body to tighten here, strengthen there, let go of tightness there. Recognizing how to slow down a panicked heart beat, concentrating on nothing but the air going into the lungs, rising belly and falling. New perspective blossoms. The ego is outside of the yoga studio, leaving only movement and breath. Standing taller and not withdrawing from the world. It finally makes sense now. The flexibility advances in body and spirit. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree. I practice openly. Looking at every new day with fresh new eyes as a child. Ending the day with calm reflection of the good and the bad.  I share openly.

And all of this becomes comfortable. The ebb and flow of challenge and momentum.

The death of my procrastination occurred when I realized that it is easier to continue. Don’t stop. Making each habit, each observation, each action towards one of success. Even if it is the smallest of actions, I am doing it. Hesitation and living in fear will only stagnate me. I cannot grow that way. Making happy mistakes is the best teacher.

I find a certain calm zen peace with this. I have already succeeded, because I am succeeding and I will succeed in the future. And it is this attitude that I have found, that will help me. I will make mistakes towards success. I will continue to celebrate. I will take time to rest and allow these moments to wash over me. I will thank and cherish each moment.

I will also look back at these posts and wonder, ‘Why didn’t I do a second draft?’

Probably because I’m still catching up on laundry. And other things that I’ve neglected in the past 30 days. But not for much longer, I’m still moving.

Om still here,


Day 30 – Crossing the Finish Line

It is not a matter of taking that last step across the finish line. It is not a matter of pushing yourself.

Every step is the last step. Every push is the last push. Every smile you take is the last one.

And the first.

What makes the largest difference is making yourself aware of the now. The present, and being in it.

And in times of stillness, reflecting on the mistakes, the strains, the sweaty parts (a lot of that) the realizations and new discoveries in exercising not only the body, but the places where the body holds onto stress. Reflection of this, is exercise for the spirit.

Opening of the body to new directions. Allowing myself to become so still that only my breath is being concentrated on. Committing myself to stay in position and flexing, pulling myself into new places while making my mind calm and still. Facing only myself in the reflection of the studio mirror, and facing my reflections of who I am. Finding out tolerances and limitations, places in body and spirit that need more attention.

Finding some way to manage all that laundry, cook up meals ahead of time, maintain a home business, full time job, writing articles, writing blog posts, writing fiction, sleeping and still commit to doing 1 class of hot yoga per day.

It’s been amazing.

30 Day challenge of Hot Yoga complete.

All thanks to this place.

For All Your Saskatoon Hot Yoga Needs

I’d like to thank Dallas, Steph and all the great instructors as well as the regular yogis who go to Hot Yoga on 20th. It’s a great community that has been built up in Saskatoon. If you are even travelling through and would like to get in on a class, don’t hesitate to check their schedule, give them a call, bring a friend. Try it out.

It’s just one step. And it might be the best one you ever take.

Om still here,

P.S. You may have noticed there is a gap in the posts. Another post is coming up later on, which maybe more important than the last ‘recorded’ step for this challenge.

Day 18 – 21 – Oh yes, don’t forget to breathe!

3 hours of yoga yesterday.

Today, I should be a wreck. A tightened bundle of sore muscles with daggers of sharp pain in my joints.

I’m not though. I kept going.

Hydrated like never before.

For the past 21 days I’ve been checking myself. And now that I’ve gained more flexibility, I can concentrate more on adjusting the poses to where I should be. I’m not striving as hard now, but it is another plateau. The pain and tightness shifts from place to place, even inbetween poses. The only thing I can prepare for is the possibility of change, and not hesitate in exploring. I’m just a beginner at this. It might take decades until I can get to textbook positions.

The real experts, what do they concentrate on? Their breath. Just breathing.

Not the fact that they have contorted their bodies into a crazy pretzel shape which compresses their organs, glands, muscles, skin, sweat… They concentrate on breathing. “Yeah, so I have my right foot in my left ear, balancing on my big toe on my left leg, while I’m looking at the ceiling and the right corner of the studio. Hands are on hips and chest. Not a problem. Work on breath.”

We don’t do enough of that. Proper breathing that is. When we are under stress, we only use the top portion of our lungs, not getting down into deeper breaths. Shoulders hunch up, shallow breathing stresses our hearts to pump faster, until we can actually get ourselves into a panic state. It’s a type of negative biofeedback that we do to ourselves. But why? Because we focus on the negative.

So stretch back and away from the computer, take a few deep breaths, lean over the back of the office chair. Smile, and breathe.

Here’s what I’ve observed in myself so far…

For releasing tension and negativity and embrace relaxation, I do more diaphragm breathing. Keep your ribs still (hand on chest), push your belly out with inhaling, then pull it back in. SLOWLY! This will also help massage the abdomen and dump carbon dioxide that may not be moving out of the lungs.

Better oxygenation means you can also think clearer. Clarity.

But your mind tends to wander when you are concentrating on your breath. Groceries, the household chores, bills, that argument you had, past regrets, that song that won’t get out of your head. Stop. Change your focus. Go back to the feeling of the air rushing through your nose, deep down into your belly, then concentrate on flexing those abs to push it out. Slowly.

When you breath in a panicked or stressful state, you become that state.

Give yourself a break, and breathe easier.
Om still here,

P.S. For more breathing techniques, go to the Library, your local YOGA studio, and your doctor. Or the Internet, if you have to. Look up Pranayama breathing, stress removal and breathing techniques. Then look up cute pictures of baby animals, you are going to do it anyways.

Day 11 to 17 – Plateau

The magic moment.

There comes a point when the practice becomes easy and familiar. Your body starts to move through the poses automatically. Refinements come a lot faster, stretching becomes natural. It’s in a place where the stretch really feels good, and there isn’t a sign of any discomfort anywhere. Your progress is faster now, you don’t even notice how fast you achieve. The progress becomes habit, and natural.

Like breathing.

It’s the yoga plateau.

This is where you can look to the horizon and see how far you can go.

And then somewhere around day 16, unexpected pain and discomfort spring up in places that you didn’t expect. Places that weren’t there before are suddenly bright with pain. It’s new, and it jars your pacing. You have to slow down.

This is the quitting point for most people. Getting past the first discomfort is the only obstacle they can see. They aren’t expecting any other problems to show up.

But the largest obstacle they have is themselves.

They expect that plateau to go on forever, and for some it might. But others hit that wall and focus on the dread and struggle they are going to face again.

If they quit, it will be twice or three times as hard for them to start again.

That’s the difference. The focus.

It’s a lot easier to continue a habit of success when you focus on the progress, than to abandon it.  Even through pain and discomfort.

Focus on how far you’ve come. You aren’t that same person you once were.


Om still here,



P.S. Epsom salt soak is once again, really appreciative. Just prepare for inevitable pain, not constant pain.

Day 9 – A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Inner Enlightenment

Your current mindset is a groove in a record. Your thoughts, if repeated make the groove deeper, and it becomes harder to change your mindset.

What is your song? Is it sad? Angry? Frustrated? You are the singer. Your words and actions are broadcast. Those closest to you will hear and feel them first. Every step has an emotion within it.

Is your song true to you? Do you mean the words you speak? Is your dance joyful, but you have sadness within?

How fast are you singing? Can others join you? Or are you trying to make your song harmonize with others, pulling you to places you are not ready to go to? Don’t you want to sing at your own pace?

Are you still trying to write your own song? Or are you just trying to find your breath?

So what can you do about all these questions?

Be happy, even if you are sad. Even science proves you can get in a better mood and handle situations better, if you put on a fake smile. Then Wait. Eventually your body will respond in kind, and you can realize some situations are not based in emotion, but actions from your own reaction.

Your body also knows the difference between holding truth and lies. Be honest with yourself first, then you can be honest with others.

Don’t rush, go at your own pace. You don’t need to push yourself into a sprint, when you are not healthy enough to do it. Finding that spot beyond the comfortable pace and the stretch is where the magic happens.

And start your own thing. There is no perfect time to do something. There is only now. Don’t wait, it is better to try and fail and try again, then be stuck in perpetual procrastination. Waiting for perfect circumstances to occur first before you take action will only keep you in a state of Waiting. And unless you are observing and learning all that is around you, you are doing nothing.

This is what popped into my mind as I was in the stretching portion of Yoga. The little lessons from a road trip. The universe unfolding as events occurred. I asked myself, why are these things happening, and with a DURH PEARCE! The universe needs you to learn. And when an old barrier comes up again, don’t concentrate on how hard it was to overcome it. Concentrate on what you did to get beyond it. Celebrate that success.

Every action changes your vibration. What you broadcast soulcast to the world, will be brought back to you.

Be happy, be truthful, don’t rush, do something.

It’s a start. I don’t say you have to do it right, just start. You’ll make a new groove. And soon, others around you will pick up on your song.
I’m still here,

P.S. The Funny Thing that happened ? Better health.

Day 7 – Status Blah? Status HA!

When you threaten the status quo, it isn’t necessarily wrong.

Every time you pick up a pencil and sketch something, you are bucking the advertising and marketing trend.

Every time you sing your own song, you are not fueling the major music industry. (By the way, they now call music ‘putting money in our pockets and not the artists.)

Every time you think of a new idea to write about, you are making art.

Every time you try a new ingredient in your cooking, you are making it your own.

You are doing something different. You are showing your true self.

Individuality is not the new black/toy craze/rage in Hollywood. It’s just under-sold, it is easier to be controlled as a group, than as a free thinking individual.

You are bringing those thoughts and ideas above the heads of the mass grey mundane crowd. Don’t be a tourist with those thoughts. Let them be Marco Polo, let them explore places where you have not been.

You will stand apart. You won’t be part of a barely alive biomass that drudges it’s way from 8 to 5. The zombie apocalypse is here and it is mass trended into your demograph.

Because what is good for you, is not what is good for everyone. Being yourself is the best thing you can do for your own happiness.

And when you have fear, get to the reason Why. Find the truth of it. How? When you get one answer, ask why again. Do that five times. Then you’ll get down to the raw truth of it.  And you can deal with that. It no longer has that five layers of reasons and excuses to hide behind.

And what will others think? Don’t worry about that. That is a group thought. Not an individuals thought.

Great people rarely fit inside the box. Start thinking like them, outside the box.

I’m still here,


P.S. Seven days of Yoga challenge down, apparently the hardest part is over. Twenty Three to go!

Day 5 – Mindfulness

Becoming aware of what your body is currently feeling is a little disconcerting, and can lead to other thoughts.

What is that pain? Why is that happening? Why didn’t I start this earlier? Am I going to die much younger? Why is that pain happening? Did I that hurt earlier? Why is this-


Don’t let your anxieties grow more anxious thoughts.

Easier said than done, right? So you start small and work your way up. Start by shutting off all electronic devices. Computers, tv’s, smartphones, radios, home phones. Stop updating the internet with pictures of what you are eating. Stop checking or playing through possible permutations of information over the internet. Also known as video games. Stop being nosy of what others are doing.

We are inundated with so much information, we cannot stop for ourselves. 

And simply do nothing. 

You can do nothing for 10 minutes, allow your mind to rest, and become more mindful. Andy Puddicombe in this great TED talk describes this.

This takes practice. And it’s not going to be easy. When you can step back away from anxious thoughts in your brain, you can control them. And once fear is gone, there is space for better things.

And I thought quitting cigarettes was hard.

I’m still here,