367 days. Not one cigarette.
Plenty of cravings triggered by work stress, pain in my shoulders and from body, social stress, the after meal treat, the boredom, the socializing with other smokers… the list goes on, and I intend to keep track of them. My past posts here and on the AS3 support group show it.
And I won’t forget, the cravings, the dreams, the rationalizations I tried to make. All of that subtle junkie behaviour that slides in. I won’t forget the lies that it created in my habits and thoughts. And the stepping down from one patch to the next, the nicotine withdrawl dreams, the morning habit of removing the one patch, slapping on a new one.
Each and every craving denied means I’m getting closer to being normal. The progress makes me feel better than when I was smoking. But is this a path to being normal? I don’t think so, it feels more like finding my control again.
(Then again, being normal is kind of overrated… it’s always the black sheep of the family, the roguish personality that gets remembered. Otherwise the only memorable normal person would be Mr. Rogers, and he was ultra-normal. Seriously, extra large bucket sized normal with a side of normal, with a take out bag of normal.)
When it gets right down to it, I’m not going to let a leafy vegetable control me. I’m quite sure in a battle of wits or stomping, I will win out. Does my nicotine addiction control me? Not as much as it used to, in so many different ways. I’m still fighting back for control. It’s still there, and probably will be for the rest of my life.
Have I kept up on my blog? No. Will I? Maybe, if I get time.
Have I started doing things I wouldn’t have done as a smoker? Yes.
Have I saved the money that I would have spent on cigs? No. Have I found new ways to spend that money? Hell yes. Less bills, more savings plans, better weekends and in general better food.
And my student loan is paid off too. Weird. I really can’t remember a time when I didn’t have a student loan… and even then, I was in high school.
Recently my hometown had it’s centennial. 100 years as a village. I went back, saw that not much had changed other than less people, people got older. Most of my high school class didn’t show up other than my old bodyguards (more on that in a seperate post/blog if I get enough material on it together). The school and town itself has come a long way. Air hockey and fooseball tables, a small cafeteria area. Not saying it’s a small town but this past year had a graduating class of 6.
And all of my past teachers have retired… scary thought. One of my past teachers voted me “the most likely to get a novel published” at my own graduation. I hope to think that I still have that in me, as I still have plenty of ideas to write, and I’m quite sure the publishers would like some more bird cage liner… errr…. submissions to read.
But my predisposition to stray off topic has still managed to keep hold… where was I? Oh yes, the 1 year done….
So what was I doing during that time when it rolled over 1 year? Was I watching my meter with baited breath? Nope, I was sleeping. It’s vacation time for the next week and a half. 2 weeks of video games, catching up on movies, reading books, and just generally geeking out. Besides going back to my hometown, thats about all the travelling I’ll be doing for a vacation. Besides, I have to get my geek on…
I can’t promise that I won’t take another cigarette in this lifetime. I can promise that I will try to stop myself in so many different ways if that situation arises. I do promise that I will laugh more and try and make others laugh more. Life is too short to not have any fun.
I can try and promise to post more to the support group but life comes up in so many different patterns and rhythms. Those who read this, are in my thoughts and equivalent of prayers/meditations, just remember, it does get better. And if not that then, try this one…
Pain shared is lessened, joy shared is increased. Thank you Mr. Robinson.
It has been 366 days without a cig, and today is looking pretty good.
This is my quit and I’m still here,
I have been quit for 1 Year, 1 Day, 1 hour, 12 minutes and 32 seconds (367 days).
I have saved $1,938.01 by not smoking 4,404 cigarettes.
I have saved 2 Weeks, 1 Day and 7 hours of my life.
My Quit Date: 8/6/2007 9:20 AM
Here’s what’s on my business card.
Seeker Of The Peace. Part Time Chandelier Cleaner. A Legend In His OWn Time. Oppressor Of Champions. Soldier of Fortune. World Traveller. All Round Good Guy. Progressive Time Traveller. International Lover. Casual Hero. Philosopher. Wars Fought, Bears Wrestled, Equations Solved, Virgins Enlightened, Revolutions Quelled, Tigers Castrated, Orgies Organized, Bars Quaffed Dry, Governments Overrun, Test Rockets Flown, Wives Tamed. Part time member of the Liquitarian Society of Saskatoon. (For proof of any of the listed abilities, please send 10 dollars to my paypal account, you may not get the proof, but I could use the money.)
Life is a waste of time.
Time is a waste of life
Get wasted all the time
And you’ll have the time of your life.