A recent announcement by the United Nations that the world may not be facing extinction of indigenous breeds is a surprising turn of events to areas with huge populations such as California. A report by the Hollywood Institute titled Peroxide Preservation and Diversity Report 1989/1990 reported the last known Valley Girl was found dead of starvation due to locking herself in a car. A recent find far north of the last known habitat of the Valley Girl shows that there maybe smaller pockets of the once thought extinct Valley Girl.
According to researcher John Timer, this new discovery is astonishing as it means that the genetic characteristics of the once disappeared breed may not have been lost forever. John ‘The Timler’, once interacted in their native environment in the 80’s and and warned us of the possible extinction factor. He is currently preparing for a field excursion on hopes of capture and at least an overnight study. “Oh man, I’m so getting my mullet back, I’m gonna get some hot action. Where’s my Poison cd?” Timler’s trials on the preservation of the Valley Girl can be found in his unauthorized autobiography ‘Leg Warmers in the Mist’.
Previous rumors of an ‘Eve’ type breeder on the east coast were dismissed by Timler in the mid-90’s after the plumage of a young woman was examined and found only to be a bad hair day and “Nothing else clean to wear, got something against leopard skin tights? Pervert!”
Governments around the world have been in talks about creating not a wildlife preserve, but a ‘party-life preserve’ , which would provide a more suitable breeding environment. Scientists and researchers are now poring over satellite photos to see if there are any ‘Duudes!’ to help perpetuate the species. Timler advises that he would be the most suitable candidate to supervise any breeding projects as he knows the species quite well after years of investigation.
The mating call of ‘Like Totally’ and ‘Are you all on the same team?’ may once again echo throughout shopping malls once again.
The above was ‘The Onion’ inspired, after a phone call I had to make this morning from work. Tracking down a package that was sent to the wrong address. I phoned them and gave them a heads up and asked them if they could look for the package. The reply….
“Like totally, if I find it, I’ll totally like call you back. Is there like a number I can like contact you at?”
Once thought extinct, the Valley Girl lives on, somehow clinging to life in the cruel cold climates of the prairies in Canada. Keep up the head bobbling Valley girl, I’ll be on the phone with WWE to report the sighting.
I’m still here,
I have been quit for 3 Months, 2 Weeks, 3 Days, 1 hour, 56 minutes and 30 seconds (109 days). I have saved $575.94 by not smoking 1,199 cigarettes. I have saved 4 Days, 3 hours and 55 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 8/6/2007 9:20 AM