Midnight walking the dog last night, listening to electroswing/lounge groove. The music lets my creative chorus in my head calm down, the walking gets some underlying nervous energy tempered. With flashlight and empty dog poop bag in hand, saw some movement ahead, may have been neighbourhood cat. But, cat does not lope slowly.
A big brown eye turned with ears straight up, jackrabbit paused on the boulevard, chubby, and showing a greying chest, getting more white hair. I could identify.
Barry (aka Chauncy Cruddington the Baron of Puppington) was oblivious, checking his pee-mail on the trees.
Not trying to bodyshame said hare, but that was a pure white tail. A fashion statement that screamed that the fall season will be brutally short. Already getting rid of autumn colours for protection against the big deep cold.
I already miss summer because I have not taken enough time to just sit on the riverside or beach and ground myself in sunshine.
With ears down, huddled on the boulevard, I thought I heard jackrabbit snore.
We kept walking, getting things done.
Fear crept in, dressed like a norm, trying to fit in
But everyone noticed
I hadn’t even thought about that in quite a long time, thought I had dealt with it, moved on and myself, others and life had
But my past self, Fear had dramatically upset the flow. But this time, the (I being present) not the focus.
Fear stinks of desperation and after a while, you don’t notice your own scent. Or own habits that automatically smother yourself in Fear perfume every morning. Good thing that I broke my nose, and relearned what it is to breathe uninhibited, without Fear. Stop, smell the roses, appreciate and be grateful that life is around me and I can thank the moment of being, without fear.
And I thank Fear, for reminding me, of what example I should not become, and how not to bleed others into deep selfish places like picking a scab with a poison jagged claw. Even tolerated in small doses, it’s deep damage can be seen in others, and not just my own skin. Slowly, drip by drip, tear drop by tear drop, infecting, spreading poisonous attitude. I’ve drained that wound, and paid just enough attention to heal the surrounding tissue, till it is all nicely healthy.
Fear has shown me how to walk shoulder to shoulder, and lead with shared smiles, and be lead by those who want everyone to do better. Because we all do better, when we do.
You learn a lot from travelling. Fear is holding yourself and others around you in one place. Fear is the anchors of guilt, and not thinking of any good plans for the future. But I’ve made plans and my feet are moving and hustling. My vehicle is gassed up, engine warmed up, ready to cast off burn rubber and take flight. I thank Fear for direction to a better path to become better.
In the light of love and uplifting others first, there is no fear, only direction to better places. And when I stop, I will become a better place for people to visit with, recharge their spirit, and share the wondrous sounds of laughter and story and dance.
Will this defeat Fear? No. Fear will always be there. Just get into better habit of ignoring that which is holding us back, and go on to better and bigger things.
And leave places better, happier, and full of warmth in each and everyone that I meet.
is what the universe will bring into a state inside of you.
Happiness is a state of mind only which you are responsible for.
You are responsible for the universe
But it should be, and because anything that scary, you should focus your attention to it. And do it.
Resistance is selfish
Resistance is not ignorance of the obvious, it’s blind rejection.
Is there a problem with the universe? Or what is inside of you?
But where does it stop? The universe and you?
Before words, there was no difference.
So why let a label get in the way of being more?
So be gentle with yourself, just be. Be gentle enough to let that be brought back to you.
Need more proof?
The one end result of EVERYTHING
that everyone will remember
that everyone will base their own thoughts and opinions of
that one end result is nothing more than
the feeling and state that you leave them in
So please, leave everything better than when you found it.
December meeting notes – LYL
I was really rambly at the meeting, and that I apologize to my other LYL members. So this is a good concentrated list of what I should have prepared.
Previously on LYL
As I missed the October meeting, and November, what happened? A lot of work towards the latest burlesque show Dirty Birds, Dirty Words – Erotic Poetry Burlesque show. Went to Burlycon, improved on my art dramatically as well as centered myself more, spiritually and creatively.
So…. on with the list of things I did/didn’t do.
September Goals – Live Art
1 – Building – Sept.17 and 18th Burlesque show! – DONE – Also got November show in as well!
2 Need Help with – Costumes for personal performance(s) – DONE! Thanks to Laura!
3 Next Step is To – Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse, make list of everything, double check it, apply magic wizard beard powers. DONE – should have rehearsed more, but that’s a past regret. Must rehearse numbers over and over.
1- Building – Nov.27 and 28th AND February Burlesque Show! 1/2 DONE November done, planning with Group for February.
2 Need Help with – Look into this after September show. But keep on LYL list to do. Asked for help, got it done.
3 Next Step is To – Confirm performer availability, TIP, Calgary/Edmonton/Vancouver/Victoria and other Poet/Burlesque DONE
September Goals – Words / Manuscripts / Novels
1 – Building – Query Letters for Manuscripts : 1 down, 1 to go #AmWriting #MSWL DONE
2A – Need Help with – Beta Readers need to get their reading done by end of September. 1/2 DONE
2B – Sourcing potential agents through #mswl on twitter https://querytracker.net/ AND from other people who are looking for the same resources. Still working on this
3 – Next Step is To – Finish other Query Letter/Pitch, finalize hand edits on paper, plan redraft options and schedule, schedule, schedule. Keep writing in all those little 5 minute open time, like when you’re on a webpage making lists… that’s writing, right? Still working on this
September Goals – Health
1 Building – Simple Yoga stretching Routine, include Yin, meditation, breathing, more walking. Still working on this
2 Need Help with – Schedule routine, and developing own series of stretches, Still working on this
3 Next Step is To – Check Yoga membership price, see if volunteer for karma classes/Voiceover Still working on this
September Goals – Mental
1 Building – Journaling, need to do a daily pages/journal. Meditation. Still working on this, more done in November
2 Need Help with – Keeping up a daily habit of Journaling just all the random thoughts to clear head, so current mood is not affecting projects/characters in story. Taking time to set aside all the other things, stretch, and write. Still working on this
3 Next Step is to – Pick a random empty journal, and start using it. Get really good pen. 1/2 DONE, journal good helped out a lot in Seattle and other thoughts, sourcing favorite pen
aka What’s up December?
1- What am I Building
Financial * Personal Business – plan and pitch to better brains – aka will this idea fly? Is it feasible? Will the Market have a need for my skills/talent?
Health * Yoga Practice every other day, Dental / Annual Physical, doing more walking and getting into nature more. (Great timing to figure this out, winter on the prairies, sheesh)
Study * IT skills, Story Tellers Index
Mental / Spiritual * Mediation/Journalling, more time doing that
Personal * Spend more time with loved ones
2- What do I Need Help With
Graphic Designer / Logo / Web interface * Need cheap and good, not fast
Business Plans to be built – need template
Yoga need to be scheduled/budgeted – Hot Yoga on 20th? Ground Yoga? One Yoga? Who has best karma classes/time for more classes.
Study – What’s the next IT skill I need? Also need access to more storytellers and their skills to learn.
3 – What is the Next step
ASK for HELP – See any of the above in Need Help, If you see info, please forward that to me.
Schedule the THINGS – Life / Work / Rehearsal / Voiceover / Study
Get Things Done
Get Business Name Registered – Online, one step, can be done.
Mid life unbalance? Or just finally finding ways how to find that balance?Or am I just enjoying life, because I am allowing myself to.
Big questions? Probably. But when the questions get in the way of joy, then I’m being too afraid of finding that happiness.
So, as I’ve just read, Screw Finding Your Passion because “If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.”
So I geek out over a whole lot of things. Writing Fiction, storytelling, games – Check. Yoga – Check. Acro-Yoga – surprising check. Voiceovers – old school Check. Theater, Acting, special effects and Event things – another surprising Check. Burlesque – yep became a grandfather first and then embraced taking my clothes off for theatrical theater – a really fun Check. Technology, gadgets are a fun check.
And if I find other fun things to do. Hey, that’s another thing to do, and embracing it and other things happily.
But in the meantime,
Keeping Calm, and Carrying on
Breathing Deep and Letting Go
Get Excited and Make Things
“One’s action ought to come out of an achieved stillness: not to be mere rushing on.” – D.H. Lawrence
There comes a point when fiddling with a recipe too much spoils the food.
There comes the time when you have made too many edits, and the story is lost.
Sometimes, it’s best to just let it sit there. Let it love. A good chilli cooking on the stove is like that. Just let it sit, and be. Don’t touch it, don’t add to it. You can go back and sample it later on, and you’ll know when it’s done. Just turn down the heat, let it simmer for a little longer.
All it needs is a little time on it’s own.
A good story idea will come back to you when it’s left alone. But sometimes it’s best to just let it love.
Rest assured, I’m going to do more writing. I am going to finish stories. Some of these may become serials, some might not show up on here at all. Some of it, just might. But for now…
I’m still here, writing, letting it love,
So there is this event that happens locally in your neighbourhood called Live Your Legend. And basically for a creative type as myself, it’s a good focusing strategy and allows to ask a community for resources that I normally would not be able to.
Also looking at this immediate list of things to do, I might have too much on my plate. I know I can’t do everything, but it’s better to do and create things, than to sit back and watch other art going on and get frustrated creatively.
It breaks down in to 3 things. What are you building? What do you need help with? and What is that Next Step?
September Goals – Live Art
1 – Building – Sept.17 and 18th Burlesque show! – Tickets @ http://www.ontheboards.ca/ Done! Performers confirmed! Volunteers about to be wrangled! Handbills being handed out wherever I go. Merch acquired!
2 Need Help with – Costumes for personal performance(s) – Asked for help, getting help, sourcing materials. Merch Table presentation – delegating to volunteers.
3 Next Step is To – Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse, make list of everything, double check it, apply magic wizard beard powers.
1- Building – Nov.27 and 28th AND February Burlesque Show!
2 Need Help with – Look into this after September show. But keep on LYL list to do.
3 Next Step is To – Confirm performer availability, TIP, Calgary/Edmonton/Vancouver/Victoria and other Poet/Burlesque
September Goals – Words / Manuscripts / Novels
1 – Building – Query Letters for Manuscripts : 1 down, 1 to go #AmWriting #MSWL
2A – Need Help with – Beta Readers need to get their reading done by end of September.
2B – Sourcing potential agents through #mswl on twitter https://querytracker.net/ AND from other people who are looking for the same resources.
3 – Next Step is To – Finish other Query Letter/Pitch, finalize hand edits on paper, plan redraft options and schedule, schedule, schedule. Keep writing in all those little 5 minute open time, like when you’re on a webpage making lists… that’s writing, right?
September Goals – Health
1 Building – Simple Yoga stretching Routine, include Yin, meditation, breathing, more walking.
2 Need Help with – Schedule routine, and developing own series of stretches,
3 Next Step is To – Check Yoga membership price, see if volunteer for karma classes/Voiceover
September Goals – Mental
1 Building – Journaling, need to do a daily pages/journal. Meditation
2 Need Help with – Keeping up a daily habit of Journaling just all the random thoughts to clear head, so current mood is not affecting projects/characters in story. Taking time to set aside all the other things, stretch, and write.
3 Next Step is to – Pick a random empty journal, and start using it. Get really good pen.
Continually Living a Legend of Myself (that sounded really pretentious, didn’t it?)
1 Building – Writing : awesome fiction! Voiceovers for potential income stream. Video/Audio of performances for demo tape. Internet platform with fun merchandise/content. Develop a type of workshop that I can teach in person/online. Have more Tacos.
2 Need Help with – Finishing all the projects. Prioritizing and delegating things I don’t know how to do, so they can get done AND learning how to do it on the way.
3 Next Step is To – Do it, just start doing it. Something/Anything. Better to have it done, and start doing it better. Cannot start doing anything better, without finishing at least one thing.
These are not the photos that you would typically see from a trip from Vegas. (And I’ve got a whole bunch of others that I need to check on first.) And this is not a typical post.Under a hot Vegas sun, a burlesque beauty was blowing bubbles. Close to the original Welcome to Vegas sign, I signed up for a photo safari involving a whole lot of great models with mind blowing backdrops. I’m still working on my photographic skills… (And writing, and dance, and burlesque, and ukulele, and kazoo….. I’m waiting permission to use those photos before putting them anywhere. You might see them in another place, if you follow me closely.)
Close to Circus Circus, the Stratosphere cuts into the heat. Some construction sites around the strip seem halted, evidence of the slowdown in economic movement despite the constant influx of tourists. By this time, my scalp had started to burn but I was enjoying every moment on the roof of the double decker tour bus.
Two days previous, I was approached with offers of free tickets to major shows. After the pitch, it was obvious that it was a direct advertisement for a timeshare owned by one of the major hotels on the strip, new development. Every form of capturing tourist dollar is out there. Because those are new dollars into the local economy.
Most places in Vegas shine with amazing ridiculousness that encourages debauchery to loosen wallets.
Others have been left out in the sun for far too long.
52190 into 3 different zero drafts. These aren’t even first drafts, as I’m still world building as I’m writing.
Project : Spooky, which started 5 years ago. Project : Hero, the unfinished failed 2012 NaNo got its finish. And the newest idea Project : Witchy.
Spooky has a working title, to be revealed if you follow these feeds. And I’m going to rewrite and plan it out, to get it over 50k, for novella size. One Eyed Press is looking for horror submissions, and shorter length novellas. Would be very nice to get paid for the time on this, little quirky idea of ‘Hey, I don’t write horror, this would be a really good challenge’. And some readings, people got genuinely creeped out. So…. I guess it’s working somehow…?
Hero needs the big messy middle done up, as I skipped over Act 4, the big finish is done and I can work backwards now, as one of the three main plotlines is a murder mystery. I’ll be cleaning up all the King City stories on here, and rebuilding the website, in the new year.
And finally Witchy, which came from inspiration of Las Vegas, and all the statues of the gods at Caesars Palace. The story now needs more erotic supernatural scenes, more glitter, more gods, more demi-gods and forces of nature, and more smooching and romanticy angst… and of course, since it is unfinished, Witchy has to get finished. Finish the zero draft, which is over 30k in words that I started around Nov 12th or so. (I’d appreciate a poke from regular readers to see how the status of this is coming along.)
So much for the plan to do the reverse NaNo writing schedule. (http://crazedmom.com/reverse-nanowrimo/) Basically day 1 is the biggest writing day out of all the days, and on the last day you write two words. The End. As there are times, when I could not write every day, and had obligations, there are days that I needed to get away from the keyboard and not think at all about the writing. The rest from the creative. But that article and general philosophy did help, trying to push above that 1667 daily count every time I sat down to dedicate time to write. Every time it was “Write some more. Can’t write on that one draft, skip to another draft, do more on another story. Don’t stop until you can’t write anymore.”
This year seemed a lot easier overall, but getting past that 35k hurdle was the biggest jump. Even harder to get to that point, than the last 15k.
I didn’t think I was going to finish this year.
Even with 3 different distractive drafts to work on.
Throw the characters into peril, and they shine. I found myself stuck once I started removing peril, and allowing them to easily find their way out of situations. If the characters are having picnics and happy shiny times, the reader, and myself as the conduit of these characters, get bored.
Throw a looming deadline and once again, the words begin to flow smoother at the last minute.
It’s not great writing, it’s fluff, it’s crap. It’s junk food entertainment, not deep literature.
It’s better than the writing I didn’t do last year.