One Year and One Day – Grief


It’s been one year, and today is one day since you’ve left us.

There is still relief that you don’t have to be in pain, a pain that the cancers stretched out over a decade. Over a decade, and unfortunately that monster of cancer has erased the memories of the good days, a weight that pulls the bad days in front of our eyes. And these reminders for us to enjoy this, this here and now. Thinking of death does bring appreciation to all the small things, the large things, and all things.

And this grief does not let us have immediate relief. I’ve read that it’s just love that doesn’t have a place for it to go to. Agree and disagree, we can still love the memories of you, the stories you’ve become, and the few moments when your spirit is here – the veil is thin this time of year.

And thank the Creator and Universe and the Goddess, the local lands, and all that is – that it is a veil and not a concrete impenetrable wall. These shrouded veils let us breathe, when you cannot.

Grief and Joy are a process, filled with tiny earthquakes and too many epiphanies for our spirit to handle.

And I’m reminded again, at this time of year, when I make my annual artistic sabbatical to travel to that emerald city, Seattle – There needs to be space, you cannot have nothing, without having something. Every light casts shadow.

Grief and joy are not mutually exclusive.

Grief and suffering hollow out deep spaces that are aching to be to filled with joy, and you are called upon to respond authentically and creatively.

You are not well served to sprint through grief.

You are not well served to sprint past joy.

(Such a good read, one day I may write as well as Lillith Grey.)

Sadness needs to let go to make room for Happiness which will fade and be filled with Sadness needs to let go…

While loved ones dream of you being just out of reach, I need to make plans to do the next thing. Just one step forward, holding and building that what supports me best, honoring what has passed, and try to do everything with appreciation and love. It’s what my spirit needs, it’s the best that I can do.

The hardest part is that everything Changes.

 

I’m still here,

Pearce Kilgour

On Doing Better


If there is anything that I have learned, is that the more I work on myself, the better my craft(s) are getting.

From what I’ve witnessed, those people in the Burlesque community who do best, and get better at their craft, are genuine and 100% honest with themselves.

I have to take the advice I give, and to help myself with that same advice, and be aware of the impact/ripples in my communities of my actions. And always act with the true intention of leaving things better than I’ve found them.

I have not been the best at this, for everyone, and I do need to work on doing better, at doing better.

It’s the doing which makes the intention become reality.

I’m aware and sorry for the bad that I may have caused, the unintentional was never intentional. And a good thing is learning that, and to be better with better Vibrations/actions for everyone. I thank you all, for carrying the enormous weights of Love and Fear, in just my general presence or thoughts or memories. Much love in all its flavors. My hope there is an opportunity and better environment for future forgiveness and healing, and sharing of both good and bad, in a professional and personal environments.

Also, you read this in my voice.
But trust me on the sunscreen.

My Very First Performance Poem — Mighty Mike McGee’s Web Presents


In the summer of 1998, my friend, Geoff Trenchard, newly dear to me, got his first car. The first thing he did was probably buy something with which to get high. Then he went to an open mic in downtown San José and got hooked on poetry, written and spoken. From page to the stage. […]

via My Very First Performance Poem — Mighty Mike McGee’s Web Presents

Check in, Call Out


Before calling out, check in.
Check in with yourself, is this the best way to help?
Check in with your community, can I communicate in a better way? Is this coming from a place that wants things to be better?
Check in with your heart, will this be the best outcome to leave everything and everyone in a better place?
There’s hard work in being honest, open, and kind. In a time where electronic communication is easy, hatred is a quick response, and gains momentum the more you put into it. Most hate comes from a place of pain, or fear. It’s easy at a distance, especially through electronic communication. It’s hard work doing this thing face to face, but it’s worth it. You won’t lose face by trying.
And what you put into anything, comes back to you.
Check in, help yourself first. Speak open and honest. Come from a place of love, and lift all others around you.
Consider this a call out.

Why I Had to Do Both


Sex with Timaree

It was March 2016 the first time I performed burlesque in New York City. Having grown up in a small town in (yadda yadda literally it doesn’t matter, you know the story) this was a life-changing benchmark. It would also prove to be foreshadowing.

The event was an abortion rights fundraiser and I was there in two capacities: to speak as a PhD in Human Sexuality and to perform as HoneyTree EvilEye, my burlesque persona. When the organizers had reached out to me about being a part of the event, I said “yes!” and then realized I didn’t know if they wanted muggle me or burlesque me. Both of them were bookable, but they did very different things.

The organizers basically said, “why not both?”

Why not both? Well, for one, I had been warned my whole life that if someone finds out you’re secretly a sexy, fun person-…

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Cooking in Puerto Vallarta


Our all inclusive room came with a bottle of tequila and fresh fruit. The chicharron are from the local supermarket. With bonus Seinfeld looking bee mascot.

Recipe to Slow Down

Eat chicharrons

eat fresh fruit

sip and savor the tequila, imagine the agave and realize the local economy runs on tourist dollars, but still leaves craving for more culture

sit on balcony, watch the ocean knowing there are depths untold

Wear sunscreen

See the difference in the nightsky, this is the same moon, but the lunar conversation is in a different tongue

(when looking to the early moon in the east, will be different looking than later in the west)

Be genuine and not obnoxious, despite any language barriers

Be present, and you become the gift

The Forest, the Egg and the Scream


A story telling workshop with Danica Lorer, given 3 words and to come up with a story. She has these story beads, that have 1 word on them, and then with a little bit of ribbon, you get together with 2 other people then you put a story together.
We (Danica, Myself, and another gentleman) got the words, Forest, Egg and Sunset; and we couldn’t think of anything specific.
Then Danica cheated and grabbed another word.

Scream.

Now we had a story.

Note – the audio isn’t the greatest, and my delivery is a lot of improv around a couple basic concepts.

Definitely not a last draft, but definitely the only thing lately that I’ve creatively written, even collaboratively.

 

 

I’m still here,

Pearce